Hey beaut! Have a little read about me before diving in to this first blog post.
So, here we go!
It’s taken me a year to feel the fear, ignore the fear, fight the fear…and do it anyway. The primary reason I decided (over a year ago) to start this blog, was the hope that I could reassure just one person that they’re not alone.
They’re not alone having a dysfunctional background, be it family, relationships or experiences. They’re not alone when they walk into a room full of strangers and automatically feel everyone dislikes them. They’re not alone for locking themselves in the toilet at work and having a cry. They’re not alone for thinking ‘what the hell am I doing with my life in my 20s, 30s and beyond’, and feeling completely lost.
To be fair, you’re probably as normal as a major part of the population. We just don’t open up and talk about it. We’re scared to process it, deal with it and fear change.
Although you’re not alone with these feelings or experiences, rest assured that you’re still beautiful and unique in your own way.
Having ‘your shit together’
I say you’re not alone, as I have experienced all of the above. It’s okay to put your hand up and admit at times – hey guys, I’m struggling. It might come as a shock to some people who think I’ve got my shit together. The ‘shit together’ that you see on social media would prompt some to say – why isn’t she happy?? She’s lucky! There are worse things happening to other people… And there most definitely are. But, there are times when things aren’t so good that no-one would know about from shiny, filtered Instagram photos. That’s real life.
When I was teetering on the edge last year, of course if you followed me on social media you would never have known. How do you express the feeling in the pit of your stomach or the knot in your chest? The feeling that rears its head on a daily basis and you can’t fully explain why?
I’d look back to how I used to be – confident, chatty, owning the room – but then I think did I? Was I actually this person or am I reminiscing about someone I thought I was? I couldn’t remember. I can’t remember when, or if, it all of a sudden changed. Or if I’d slowly evolved into a nervous wreck over time. Slowly shedding away layers of my former self – there goes my brashness, there goes my ‘balls’, there goes my lust for life…
Luckily, I’ve addressed this now and understand how and why I feel and act the way I do.
what’s really going on?
Please be reassured that you’re not the only one who looks at others and compares your life to theirs. Believe me, they’re doing the exact same thing to you. What we never really know is what is really going on behind those lovely filtered photos that make you feel a pang of jealousy.
This really hit home when I was on a trip with a group of people I’d recently started working with. Over dinner (and a few red wines), barriers came down and we talked about our backgrounds and the flood gates opened. I learnt so much about those girls and what they were dealing with that I would never have known, or expected. It completely changed our dynamic and made us appreciate that there is so much going on with people in their personal lives that can impact on their day-to-day. Everyone is dealing with their own demons on a day to day basis, you’re not alone.
What do i want you to take from this?
When you’re not feeling the best, when things are getting on top of you, when you compare yourself to someone else whose life looks better than yours – you’re not alone. We all go through this. Your friends, your work colleagues, your family, the guy in your local shop! You’re not different, weird or alone. You’re normal. And being normal is different for everyone.
why you are you
How you see the world and react to situations comes from your experiences over the years. This has, in turn, shaped your core beliefs, which now shapes your thoughts. It might sound confusing, but I’m going to go into more detail about it next week. Promise.
At the end of each blog I’d like to set you a task that moves you forward on your life journey.
weekly task – Your lifeline
Draw out a line that begins with your day of birth, to the present day. On that line pull out positives that have happened along the way, they can be big or small. Then, the tricky one that might stir up some emotions – pull out negative moments on your life journey that have impacted you. If it’s difficult, you can come back to it. I’ll be talking more about this lifeline next week. It’ll help you understand your triggers and hopefully you can use it to your advantage.
Until next time my lovelies.
p.s. If you feel you might need to seek further help, be it counsellor or therapist please visit mind.org.uk.Never feel ashamed for asking for help.