Unhelpful thinking styles

What you’re thinking is holding you back – part one

Hey beauts! Another week, another blog to arm you with the tools and insight on how to deal with anxiety, build that fabulous confidence up and go live your best life. I know that phrase is so over-used at the minute…(cringing slightly).

So, where we off to next on this journey? Well, hands up if everything you do has to be perfect or else you’ve failed… Oh yeah, my hand is up high – hence why this blog took a year to even start! Hands up if you could reel off all the things you’ve failed at, but could only tell me a couple of things you have achieved… Oh yeah, I’ve been there lovely! These neggy thoughts are helpfully referred to as unhelpful thinking styles because, well, they’re obviously not helping us in anyway.

being just okay is okay

I for one am super hard on myself, but I have learnt to not be a perfectionist. If I keep striving for perfection then a) nothing will ever be finished, or even started and, b) I’ll make myself unhappy and it’ll affect my confidence. This website you’re on doesn’t look the way I want it to. It’s pretty basic b**ch. But that’s okay. The words are more important. It also took me bloody ages to even get this into a relatively okay aesthetic because wordpress is a tricky ass. I’ll work on it over time, but I’ve learnt to deal with what is called ‘all or nothing’ or ‘black and white’ thinking and embrace the ‘grey’. So, if you ever hear yourself thinking or saying anything along the lines of, “If I’m not perfect I have failed” or “Either I do it right or not at all”. Switch it up to embrace just being okay. Keep this in mind…

You don’t need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfection.


The biggest risk you can take is not taking the risk at all.

Notice your successes

If I asked you right now to write me 20 things you have achieved, would you find it easy? A lot of us find it easy to notice our failures and totally forget about everything we have achieved. This is an unhelpful thinking style that can really hold you back. There are SO many things you have achieved over the years, things that might seem insignificant, but you smashed out of the park. You learnt to ride a bike, you learnt to read, you got that job, you learnt how to change a plug, you smashed that presentation, you made a real life baby, you can cook at least two recipes from that cook book. Get you! When you forget what you have achieved, it can knock your confidence, stop you from applying for that job, taking chances and going after your dreams.

I also have an issue with the word ‘failure’. Nothing is EVER a failure. If something doesn’t go right it’s a LEARNING. You will never learn unless you try. Anything that has failed in your life has, without you maybe realising, made you that bit stronger and armed you with what not to do next time.

A person who never made a mistake, never tried anything new

We should take our queue from kids, they just keep trying, dust themselves off and try again. Just like this awesome kid who pretty much sums up the power of not giving up.

Weekly task – what triggers your thinking styles

I hope these weekly tasks are helpful to you. Let me know in the comments section! So, for this week, I want you to keep note on when these two unhelpful thinking styles creep up throughout your week. What triggers them and how do you deal with it?

Also, to give yourself a big warm fuzzy feeling inside and a boost of confidence – write down 20 achievements you’ve smashed out of the park over the years. Look at how mega you are!! Bloody proud of you and you should be too.

Until next time. Keep doing what you love.

Kirsty x

p.s. I’d HUGELY appreciate any feedback you have so far on this blog. Please do drop me a message, send a comment or message by carrier pigeon. I want this to be as helpful as it can be. Also, please tell your pals, sisters, brothers, colleagues, dog sitter…you never know who might need a little boost. Thanks beauts x


One thought on “What you’re thinking is holding you back – part one”

  1. Breaking these small positive actions into weekly manageable tasks are effective. They give a little guide on how to achieve the outcome and wonderful to practice on myself and my children. Beautiful blog and useful contents. Thanks Kirsty . X

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